Sometimes I really hate airports. Like now for example, when
I have no internet connection, and I have the sneaking suspicion that the guy
two seats down from me is sucking away my signal with his Ipad. But it’s not
this guy’s fault that the Internet gods are blessing him with a strong
connection while I’m writing this post offline in the hopes that I can copy and
paste it later.
I’m just a little stressed out that’s all and I’m misplacing
this frustration at him, although he doesn’t know it. I’m stressed because I’m
moving across the country for the first time and even though deep down I’m
really excited, all I can focus on now are logistical things and irrational
fears. Like making sure my boxes arrive at the right address or what time my bed
is being delivered and making sure all my forms are filled out for school.
School.
That, in fact, is the reason why I’m moving across the
country in the first place. I am about to start my first year of graduate
school. And like I said before, I really am excited.
I’ve just been swatting at the irrational fears that keep
floating around my head like gnats for the past 24 hours…Fears like ‘no one
will miss me when I’m gone’, ‘I won’t be able to hack-it in grad school’, ‘the
east coast is too different for a west coast girl like me’, etc.
I know these fears are natural albeit irrational but that
doesn’t stop them from creeping into the back of my mind to sit next to my
other irrational fears of airplane bathrooms and clowns. So I guess for now
I’ll have to deal with these irrational fears the way I deal with the other
ones; avoid them or if I see one, kick it in the shins and run away.
In all seriousness, I know I’m just making a big life change
and that this is all part of the transition process but it doesn’t mean I
didn’t almost cry when I gave my parents a hug when they dropped me off
curbside. Because contrary to the popular belief that kids who move across the
country are the ones that can’t stand their family, I really do adore mine in
all of their bizarre quirkiness.
So here’s what I’ve resolved to do: I’m going to allow
myself to freak out for a while and be nervous about whether or not things are
going to work themselves out but I’m going to try to limit my spazzy period the
best I can and enjoy myself when the panic fades. And the panic will fade soon,
slowly but surely. And when that happens I’ll readjust my focus on all the new
opportunities ahead instead of all the things I’ll be missing/missing out on.
Like how much I can’t wait to see New England in the fall.
Fall has always been my favorite season, and I’ve heard tell that nobody does ‘fall’
quite like New England does. And I aim to find out if it’s true.
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