I went to my great-grandmother's ninetieth birthday party last weekend.
The whole family (minus my little munchkin sister who is studying abroad in Florence, poor thing) flew back to Muncie, Indiana for the celebration. We also had family coming from Tennessee, as well as the family that still lives in Muncie or near there, that joined the festivities.
When I asked my great-grandma if she was excited for the party she gave me a typical mid-western "no." But when all the people started to show up, hugs were exchanged and the party got underway I could tell she was really happy. Then the grandchild-bragging started, by her and my other grandma (her daughter). My grandma only tried to marry me off to one person's grandson. I was heading to the bathroom and got snared for a hug and a "Hello, I'm one of the great-granddaughters." I made sure to check if this young man was related to me (he wasn't thank god) but there was no current photo and we weren't sure what his FEP (future earning potential) was--so no deal.
I was so glad to be a part of celebrating my amazing great-grandmother who, when she was younger, bares a striking resemblance to Natalie Wood (in my opinion) and without whom, I literally would not exist. My little sister designed a poster with all of these old pictures on it and me and my mom made center pieces that looked like they came straight off the web-site Pinterest. All in all the party was a huge success and so many people showed up to visit and wish my great-grandma a 'happy birthday.'
There were so many good quotes from throughout the party/weekend that would make really spectacular blog titles of their own and I'll share some of those gems with you, but I picked my favorite for the title of this current post.
A few of my other favorites were "Wow, you have beautiful blue eyes. With those eyes you'll never have trouble finding a man." I don't think my eyes are the problem--it's probably the combination of my low expectations and high standards. But like I said, that's another topic entirely.
And coming in a solid third place was a short exchange I had with one of my great-grandmother's friends about my dad. This is a paraphrased version of that conversation:
"Your dad looks like this attractive actor. I can't for the life of me remember his name..."
"Is it Robert Downey Jr.?"
"Yes, that's the one!"
See, really good topics to explore! But I'll have to save those jewels for another day.
In typical party-settings you tend to have the same conversation, or many versions of the same conversation, over and over again. This party was no different. I had several variations of the "Oh, you're in graduate school? Where? Which school? What for? What do you plan to do after? Creative Writing--what do you plan to do with that? Etc,." My grandma and great-grandma took turns flagging me down from across the room to chat with an assortment of old friends and relatives.
Now, I really hate when I feel like I'm not being entirely honest.
But I also hate when I feel like the answer I plan to give someone is not exactly what they are expecting or looking for. It is a result of the people-pleaser in me that still shows her face from time to time and it's not something I've learned to completely shut off yet. Although I'm not entirely sure whether or not small doses of people pleasing is a bad or a good thing.
That being said when asked serious questions that I'm not sure the answer to, or if I'm not sure the other person will appreciate my honest answer, I've learned to deflect the question with humor or to give an almost-true response. When I decided to go to grad school a couple of years ago and I was in the middle of the application process, I generated a response that seems to shut most people up when they talk about how useless my choice of major is. I just tell them "I'm considering teaching. Or perhaps publishing." Which is not entirely a lie, both of those pathways or potential careers interest me but my honest-to-goodness answer is "I have no clue what I'm going to do after graduate school--I'm just going to see what happens in the meantime and wing it."
Now, I am a pretty practical person despite my tendencies to daydream and exaggerate. I chose to study English and Creative Writing, knowing full well that I would never be a Rockefeller or someone of that income-pool. I am fully prepared to struggle as a writer or teacher or editor if that's what ends up happening. And I understand there is a certain amount of preparation that is required to live the life that you want. But that's just the point I'm trying to make; I'm going to live the life that I want. And I would like the non-daydreamers and people like the ones who inspired the title of this blog to realize that it's okay to not know all the steps I plan to take along the way. As long as I get there in one piece.
And if in five years I am, in fact, happy--then I guess I won't be that poor after all. Will I?
~~~
Friday, June 14, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Always Be Yourself...Unless You Can Be Beyonce. Then Always Be Beyonce.
I guess being chubby in high school has its perks. Because while other girls were being told how hot or beautiful they were, I was developing this little thing called a personality.
I went to a bachelorette party two weekends ago.
It was the first time I had ever surprised someone and I was super nervous. The bride didn't know I was coming and I was afraid somehow the surprise was going to get spoiled before I showed up. But it went off without a hitch or a glitch (besides me breaking my necklace on the way to the house).
I am so glad that I got to be there. The bride (one my best friends from my freshman year of college) has been really overwhelmed in the past few months because of the toll the wedding planning has started to take. No matter what the circumstances, some people can still manage to take what is supposed to be a happy day and celebration or what-have-you, and turn it into an "all-about-me" thing. And when you insert family into the mix it comes with all the familial baggage and/or skeletons. I went hoping to ease some of the stress and to reignite the "fun" spark.
Somehow over the years I became the girl that everyone likes. I'm not saying that to brag and I don't mean to seem conceited because that's the farthest from my personality. I'd like to think I'm more on the modest side. But it became apparent to me this past weekend at this bachelorette party. I met the whole bridal party, some of the bride's other friends and some family. There is one bridesmaid who has been making things a little difficult (understatement of the year) for the bride. And even she liked me or at least she pretended to. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so easy-going or if it's because I have learned to be able to talk to anyone about anything (thank you waitressing). Or because I haven't always been what you might call a "looker." I joke now that I was fat in high school and people who knew me then go "aw no you weren't," but I felt that way. I had my awkward phase from the age of fifteen to about twenty or so. That's when I finally settled into my body and my own skin. For the most part anyways.
Anywho, Catherine (the bride) was so excited that I could be there. She kept telling me over and over, "I'm so glad you're here. This feels like a dream." Which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I just ate some good dark chocolate or drank a yummy latte. In my life I blame my mother for two major addictions: chocolate and coffee. But that is neither here nor there. I was a part of the bachelorette party festivities and was so glad I was able to help make Catherine's experience a (mostly) good one. Without being too detailed because honestly, it doesn't really matter what transpired or what exactly brought me to this amazing moment of self-discovery...but let's just say that over the years I have thought myself to be a little bit insecure. I've went through ups and downs with my confidence level internally but I've mastered a coping mechanism called "fake-it-till-you-make-it" so most people are none-the-wiser of my self-esteem drops and peaks. So it was shocking to me to see someone three or four years my senior act so unsure of herself. I chalk up all the drama, attitude and general unpleasantness to her insecurities. Otherwise, why in the world would she act the way that she did?
I've always been told not to compare yourself to other people because it will make you feel worse about you, when no two people are the same anyways. And I agree with this, for the most part. Like don't look at pictures of skinny models and feel bad about yourself because you don't look that way. But then I got to talking with one of the other bridesmaids as we were falling asleep in Catherine's bed and we started discussing how we are drawn to certain people and tend to get along with them right away. While others have the opposite effect. At first we might be a little repelled by them and it could (if ever) take longer to get comfortable with that person. For example, I seemed to get along with all of the bridesmaids even though previously to the bridal shower/bachelorette weekend we had never met. We all just gelled right way. Although it may be easier when you have a common goal, and ours was making sure Catherine had a good time and everything ran smoothly. I know that getting along with 11-12 females at one time can be difficult for some people, especially other females, but if you can't get along with a large group of people for a few hours, then something is a little off. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
In the end we both agreed on one thing: be yourself and if if at the end of the day people still don't like you, well then at least you're still being true to yourself. And chances are people will be drawn to you, solely based on the fact that you are being yourself and not putting on some act for other people. So I will leave you with these wise words from some comedian whose name I can't remember right now..."Always be yourself. Unless you can be Beyonce. Then always be Beyonce."
~~~
I went to a bachelorette party two weekends ago.
It was the first time I had ever surprised someone and I was super nervous. The bride didn't know I was coming and I was afraid somehow the surprise was going to get spoiled before I showed up. But it went off without a hitch or a glitch (besides me breaking my necklace on the way to the house).
I am so glad that I got to be there. The bride (one my best friends from my freshman year of college) has been really overwhelmed in the past few months because of the toll the wedding planning has started to take. No matter what the circumstances, some people can still manage to take what is supposed to be a happy day and celebration or what-have-you, and turn it into an "all-about-me" thing. And when you insert family into the mix it comes with all the familial baggage and/or skeletons. I went hoping to ease some of the stress and to reignite the "fun" spark.
Somehow over the years I became the girl that everyone likes. I'm not saying that to brag and I don't mean to seem conceited because that's the farthest from my personality. I'd like to think I'm more on the modest side. But it became apparent to me this past weekend at this bachelorette party. I met the whole bridal party, some of the bride's other friends and some family. There is one bridesmaid who has been making things a little difficult (understatement of the year) for the bride. And even she liked me or at least she pretended to. I'm not sure if it's because I'm so easy-going or if it's because I have learned to be able to talk to anyone about anything (thank you waitressing). Or because I haven't always been what you might call a "looker." I joke now that I was fat in high school and people who knew me then go "aw no you weren't," but I felt that way. I had my awkward phase from the age of fifteen to about twenty or so. That's when I finally settled into my body and my own skin. For the most part anyways.
Anywho, Catherine (the bride) was so excited that I could be there. She kept telling me over and over, "I'm so glad you're here. This feels like a dream." Which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I just ate some good dark chocolate or drank a yummy latte. In my life I blame my mother for two major addictions: chocolate and coffee. But that is neither here nor there. I was a part of the bachelorette party festivities and was so glad I was able to help make Catherine's experience a (mostly) good one. Without being too detailed because honestly, it doesn't really matter what transpired or what exactly brought me to this amazing moment of self-discovery...but let's just say that over the years I have thought myself to be a little bit insecure. I've went through ups and downs with my confidence level internally but I've mastered a coping mechanism called "fake-it-till-you-make-it" so most people are none-the-wiser of my self-esteem drops and peaks. So it was shocking to me to see someone three or four years my senior act so unsure of herself. I chalk up all the drama, attitude and general unpleasantness to her insecurities. Otherwise, why in the world would she act the way that she did?
I've always been told not to compare yourself to other people because it will make you feel worse about you, when no two people are the same anyways. And I agree with this, for the most part. Like don't look at pictures of skinny models and feel bad about yourself because you don't look that way. But then I got to talking with one of the other bridesmaids as we were falling asleep in Catherine's bed and we started discussing how we are drawn to certain people and tend to get along with them right away. While others have the opposite effect. At first we might be a little repelled by them and it could (if ever) take longer to get comfortable with that person. For example, I seemed to get along with all of the bridesmaids even though previously to the bridal shower/bachelorette weekend we had never met. We all just gelled right way. Although it may be easier when you have a common goal, and ours was making sure Catherine had a good time and everything ran smoothly. I know that getting along with 11-12 females at one time can be difficult for some people, especially other females, but if you can't get along with a large group of people for a few hours, then something is a little off. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
In the end we both agreed on one thing: be yourself and if if at the end of the day people still don't like you, well then at least you're still being true to yourself. And chances are people will be drawn to you, solely based on the fact that you are being yourself and not putting on some act for other people. So I will leave you with these wise words from some comedian whose name I can't remember right now..."Always be yourself. Unless you can be Beyonce. Then always be Beyonce."
~~~
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