It was this girl Lauren's last day of work. She and I both got done around the same time so I sat at the bar and had a drink with her. Then we tried the cake that everyone got her for her last day.
Lauren is a nice girl. But she's the type of girl that is used to getting what she wants because she's a skinny/pretty girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes. If anyone reading this knows who Lauren Conrad is, she's a celebrity who got famous from being on a reality TV show, she is basically how this girl Lauren looks. And their names are both Lauren which is kind of funny also.
But anywho, a couple of guys from work (including two of my managers) joined us. We were all sitting around talking and basically the conversation steered around to everyone's views on relationships and how most of the people I was sitting with were in relationships out of convenience. Convenience, security, and essentially the lack of nerve to break up with the actual person. The guys were all giving Lauren a hard time about her boyfriend, probably because they all want to date her. Or at least sleep with her.
I'm not sure if it was because I was tired or what, but I found myself extremely bored by the conversation. At first I thought it was because I didn't know all their inside jokes, or the backstories to a lot of the people they were referencing. I made an excuse to leave and got on the T feeling a little out of sorts.
I thought maybe I was just being a stupid girl and I was jealous of the boys fawning all over Lauren, not that I would even want those particular guys to show any interest in me in the first place. But then this morning it hit me like a snowball in the chest that slowly melted down my shirt (sidenote: that happened to me once walking to class in CO but that's a different story).
There's this famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote that I think perfectly encompasses my feelings after hanging out with these people from work.
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
I just can't seem to be content with endlessly discussing other people. I think there are more important things out there. And it really disheartens me that there are people out there that don't have goals, interests and hopes outside of going out and drinking till they can't remember. I'm all for having a good time, don't get me wrong. I love to go out and dance with my girlfriends, in fact I did on Friday night and had a really good time.
But that's not enough for me.
Maybe it's a good thing that I worked in a restaurant during my year off from school. And maybe it's a good thing that I am working at a restaurant part-time right now, because it's a constant reminder of what I don't want my life to be. And any time I'm having doubts, which I have from time-to-time and I have had recently, at least I can rest assured that I gave it a shot.
Even if things don't work out in Boston and I never become a well-respected, published author, at least I dared to believe my life could be something more. More than working just enough to make ends meet and have a few drinks or living for the weekend.
With that being said, I start my second semester this Thursday. We'll see what happens next...
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